April 12, 2017
The Choir of Chaotic Voices
Photo credit: Brooke Cagle
The sound of a choir singing together brings to mind harmony, exaltation, a blissful sound.
It is uplifting and joyous. It can move us emotionally and with great power. What happens when the choir sings off key? We are startled by it. We are uncomfortable with it. We look forward to when it ends.
Well, what about our internal choir of voices we have singing or, at times, shouting within us? When all feels right in our world our beautiful internal choir belts out a harmonious hallelujah that can make us soar emotionally and feel undefinable rapture. It is absolutely wonderful!
Then there are the days when the choir is a resounding roar of chaotic voices shouting at us, making us feel doubtful, fearful and hopeless. We want the choir to contract a sudden case of laryngitis and just be quiet. What do we do on those out-of-sync days? We all have our way of coping with the chaotic choir.
First, we need to be gentle with ourselves and acknowledge what we are hearing and feeling. I personally have had to force myself to face the voice head on, allow myself to wallow in the feeling attached to it, be immersed in it. Eventually, I realize it isn’t the end of me, just a redirection.
The chaotic choir member known as Ms. Unworthy not only shouts her lyrics but dances a frenetic and dramatic tango commanding my attention. Well, Ms. Unworthy, I have heard your voice and acknowledge how small you can make me feel but I have some new lyrics for you. I then join the inner song in what starts as a timid voice and then builds and builds and builds to where Ms. Unworthy stands there silent like a deer in the headlights as I sing out, “I am quite enough; I am perfectly enough.” The other chaotic choir members Unlovable, Abandoned, Guilt, Shame, Nobody and the wretched tenor section start to lose their voices.
I keep up my triumphant song until I am the only voice singing. By that time there are tears flowing, washing away the debris of negative feelings in a river of emotion set free. I have learned to be gentle with myself; to be kind to myself. And to understand that I am a physical representation of a big and beautiful universe with the only limits being those I set for myself. It took me a VERY long time to realize this. I have my days when the choir of chaotic voices reprises the emotional interruption but I now understand that . . . I . . . AM . . . PERFECTLY . . . ENOUGH. And I readily say so.
About Sharon: Woman, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Mother, Grandmother, Employee, Head of Household, Spectacular Cook, Aspiring Yogi, Reader, Seeker, Knower, Creative, Centered, Optimist, Divinely Guided, Honest (sometimes brutally honest), Loyal, Trustworthy, Proactive, Nurturer, Homebody, love holidays and Indian food, passionate about personal dreams, deeply love my children and grandchildren, unstoppable empowered Goddess, Perfectly Enough.
Comments ( 1 )
April 19, 2023 at 4:25 pm
Beautiful. Your words lift me up,and I’m so many others who share the same shame and sadness of unworthiness. Thank you.